Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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