Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
