What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
