if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
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Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
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All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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