Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
