dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
pray to the hookup gods
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