she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
