Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
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And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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