Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
