Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
