apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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