I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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