how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
