i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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