operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
