im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
