your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
