All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
