Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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