i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
