In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
