Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
