Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
