your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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