my mouth tastes like poor choices
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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