dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
