I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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