Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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