Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
