is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
