did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize