Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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