we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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