I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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