just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
