I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
