Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
