So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
