i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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