Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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