i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
