so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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