I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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