I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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