one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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