She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize