Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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