So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
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Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
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You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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