Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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