I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
