Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
