i'm signing you up for texting rehab
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
