i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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