So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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