your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
