There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
