haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
