please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
