U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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