Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
