How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
