Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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