You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
