He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
