We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
