Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
