i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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