he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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