you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
