eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
