i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
