he wants to bone in the snuggie
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
