i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
