I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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