im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
