my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
