I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
