closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I didn't notice because vodka
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
