I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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