someone threw a dead crab at me
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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