Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
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I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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