I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
