Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
