o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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