It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
